Meanwhile, in the middle of nowehere...

We threw caution to the wind this weekend and went away. Somewhere REAL nice. In fact i took Thursday and Friday off work just for the occasion, rebel that i am. Our destination was Eagle View Escape, about 20 minutes west of Lithgow. It's one of those "couples only" places that likes to boast all the "couples only" things you can do there. Like play tennis. Yeah, we were lining up for that one. Or "enjoy the property at your leisure". Which is just a nice way of saying "stop being so lazy and go for a walk."




We stayed in a cabin out in the bush...









...that had a big bed and a big balcony and a spa and robes and room service...







...and i pretty much spent my days being a booze hag. Cause if Jo's gonna bring me back two bottles of expensive champagne duty free, then Lord knows I'm gonna drink it.

The bush was our backyard for a while, which was nice, being that I'm a city girl at heart. I don't think i could ever forsake the city forever though. I even love the noise, which is weird right? And the smell. Jo is a country boy though, so he was in his element.

We walked in the wild, amongst the animals, just like regular Dr Doolittle's. (Although i will just say, Jo was a total baby. He was too scared to go anywhere in the vicinity of the roos. Thought they were gonna walk right up and sucker punch him. Like they don't have better things to do, like eat grass.)

The property had a grand river running right through it - the landscape felt so quintessentially Australian actually, and that was really nice. I say it all the time, and i mean it - this country is so unique, it can be harsh and stark and hard, but there's a real beauty in all that. I mean look at this - this is special, you know?













We decided to go ahead and be a couple for a while, since it seemed the thing to do at a "couples only" place. So here's some couple-y goodness for you to enjoy, or puke at, or pin on your walls. Whatevs.

I hung out with a goat for a while, since it was there, and had a collar, which everyone knows is the universal signal for "this animal is a pet." So. It was totally safe and all.

We had dinner delivered hot to our door...

And i had about a billion of these...

...cause hell, bubbles just get me excited.

So it was all very nice! I read my book and we watched a ton of old Seinfeld episodes, and drank to our hearts content, and became one with nature....what more could we want.

On our way home, it started raining. Or so i thought. "Why is it raining funny?" i asked Jo. To which he replied, "That's snow you effing idiot".

Huh.

Well! How am i supposed to know! I've never seen snow fall from the sky! Does it snow in Sydney?? NO! Would i venture anywhere in winter where it DOES snow?? NO! What do you take me for!!!??? No no, the cold and me, we just aren't friends. So anyway, it snowed. And then it cleared. And then it snowed again. And then it cleared AND snowed. Goddamn weather.

We stopped into the Blue Mountains on our way back, and decided a bit of a bushwalk was in order.

Here's the bush

And here's the view.

And here's me with a waterfall

And here we are, couple of crazy kids in love.
(*insert finger in mouth. vomit. continue reading*)

Before we headed back to Sydney, we stopped in Leura, a pretty little town up there in the mountains, for scones and tea. On this occasion, our scones came in a flower pot.

Both kooky AND delicious. And that was the mini-break, and now its over and frankly that's depressing. Lucky i have about a thousand and one other things going on to divert my attention from the fact that i won't have another holiday till my honeymoon, which is freaken ages away. Again, i bemoan the fact that i can't have my cake and eat it too. (Who came up with this ridiculous saying by the way. Why would anyone buy a cake they didn't want to eat??? It's expression number 351 in the English language that MAKES NO SENSE!!!)

Don't you love it when...

...you get an extra long weekend? Like the one coming up?



(What's that you say? No long weekend for you, you say? Must just be ME!)



We're going bush. Luxury bush, where there be cabins with spa's and massive flat-screen TVs. But bush nonetheless. And there really is nothing more unique than the Aussie landscape. May as well enjoy it! (Champagne on the deck and all.) So long suckers! See ya in a few days!

A debate about pets

In my opinion, every little boy should have a dog to grow up with.



In Maria's opinion, i'm smoking some hard out crack.




And thus, the debate about whether or not i can buy Jack a puppy rages on. I first broached this subject some time ago, in order to give his parents plenty of notice. "When Jack's about 5," i said casually, "I wanna get him a puppy. Don't you think he'd love that?"




My remark was not met with the enthusiasm i expected. I'm surprised i didn't get smacked in the face for suggesting it. I believe the phrase "ARE YOU ON DRUGS??? ARE YOU???" made several appearances in Maria's tirade against my suggestion - a complete overreaction by the way. And when we got down to the nuts and bolts of it, her number one reason for not wanting Jack to have a puppy was "I can barely look after myself!"




Well now that's a concern, to be honest. I mean she does have a small child in her care. And mothers are supposed to be nuturing. That's why i'm NOT one. But hey, she made her bed two and half years and nine months ago. I say she has to lie in it. For a while, i thought she was exaggerating. All jokes aside, she's an great mum. She's taught Jack to (for the most part) sit still while we yack away in a coffee shop, or go shopping for new outfits, or have dinner out. I mean i totally respect that. And I couldn't see what the problem was. Until i remembered The Bird.




The Bird once had a name, i'm sure, but no-one remembers it. His very existance seems a mere whisper in my memory. We none of us like to talk about him much. You see, dear readers, Jack has a bird. But once upon a time, he had two. Two dear little birdies that he loved. One day, we went over and passed right by the cage as we always did, expecting to hear the two little birds happily tweeting away. But there was no tweeting. No indeed, and when we went to check out the source of the silence, we found only ONE forlorn looking little bird left. Obviously, i launched into an immediete investigation of Bird Two's disappearance.





"Where's the other bird?" I demanded. "Nowhere", she said dismissively.



HA! Like i believed that. "Nowhere? And how did it get nowhere?"




Silence. "Did he...escape?" i asked hopefully. More silence. Then: "Not exactly."




A cold shudder passed through me.




"Is he...dead?" i whispered fearfully. She whirled around. "Yes he's dead! And i did it! I killed him!"




I gasped. Cause hell, i didn't expect to get a confession so quickly. That's not how Law and Order works. Plus, i was totally miffed that i didn't get to try my good cop, bad cop routine on her.




To cut a long story short, it was revealed that she had starved Bird Two to death.



I know. Brutal.



The other one only survived through sheer will power. Despite Peter's constant reminders to feed the bird, change the water, clean the cage, she simply...didn't. They lived, seedless, for who knows how long, until she finally discovered it lying dead in its own crap, it's little voice silenced forever. Yup. What a way to go.




In light of this, i was forced to weigh the pro's and con's of getting Jack a puppy. Here's my list:




Pros

• Jack loves animals and i know he will love a dog
• It will teach him responsibility and give him something to really love, besides me
• It will piss Maria off
• I will get it from the pound, which means i will be saving a puppy from imminent death
• If they ever have another kid, he will be too diverted by the puppy to notice they aren't interested in him anymore. So really, i am doing them a favour.
• It will piss Maria off
• Dogs are commonly referred to as Man's Best Friend. One day Jack will be a Man. See? It just makes sense.
• Once i take the puppy over and become a hero in Jack's eyes, my responsibility will be over. So really, who cares.
• It will piss Maria off

Cons

• The dog may end up having some sort of horrible disease and die, thereby inflicting unnecessary pychological damage on Jack
• The dog might run away, thereby inflicting unnecessary psychological damage on Jack
• They will have to spend more money on dog food to feed the dog and less money on human food to feed me
• Maria might kill it

So there you have it. To dog or not to dog. What do you think?

South of broad

I dont even know what that title means. I think i heard it somewhere, or read it. Who the hell cares right? Anyways, on the weekend, i DID go down south, to Kiama and Berrima in the Southern Highlands of NSW. It's a very pretty area, and well worth the visit if you're ever in town, mainly because it's greener than anywhere else in this state - gets a lot of rain down there peeps.




The occasion was my friend Kama's birthday - and in typical Kama fashion, she chose a winery for lunch to celebrate. Hells yes! Thank you Lord, for boozy friends. I was in for sure, rain be damned. And since Jo is away in NZ, i was even picked up, at my door, for the long drive down. Sounds nice right? Except nothings really that nice at EIGHT IN THE MORNING!!!! (Tony, Kama - lunatics. Out of my bed at 7am on a public holiday?? It's lucky i like you're crazy asses.)




But first, we had to stop at Kiama for the markets. Kama is a secret market-whore. On weekends, she looks up which markets are on anywhere within driving distance so they can go. I know. I raised my eyebrow too. But what can i say, the gal loves homemade pottery. Markets run rife with that stuff. I can't deny her happiness on her birthday. (totally kidding Kama. we've all got a secret shame. mine is broadway musicals.)




It rained on the drive down, but stopped just in time for us to peruse the stalls in peace. Alas, there was no pottery to be had on this occasion. There were, however, some lovely tea towels that i had to restrain myself from buying. Saving for the wedding and all...

Markets at Kiama

A very windswept Kama and I. (what? it's hot.)

The thing Kiama is most famous for is its blow hole. (you guys. come on. i said blow HOLE.) It's absolutely obligatory that you go see the blow hole whenever you're there, even if you've seen it a thousand times before. I'm pretty sure the local authorities stop you on the (one) road out to make sure you have. You can get fined you know. For not supporting local blow holes. *sniggers*

OK. So yeah, we went to see the blow hole, which blew us off by not blowing all that spectacularly actually. You'll find the equally obligatory blow hole pictures below. Thousands of Australian familes have stood in this very spot, having this very picture taken, to be buried in photo albums under the bed for ever and ever amen.

Tony (my man for the day. well. i shared him with Kama. mainly when i needed someone to hold my handbag while i went to the loo), me, Mel and Con

Tony and Kama

Then it was off to Berrima for lunch, which was about another hour further south. South? West? Tony? The winery we went to was called Blue Metal, and their wines were in fact very good. A bottle of their sav blanc is chilling in my fridge as we speak. Nom noms. We had a taste testing (everyone did the whole sip and spit thing except me. i don't believe in waste.) and then shared some cheese and antipasto platters for lunch. By the way, i'm totally into quince paste right now. Contrary to popular belief, my palate is very refined.

After lunch, we headed back to the main street for a quick browse. I say main street as if there's actually more than one street in the place, which there's not. Let me tell you this. Every small town in the southern highlands has a jam shop. Its some sort of pre-requisite. They like to go all fancy with the jams too, and make really weird flavour combinations so that you'll be like 'hey! i can't get tomato and passionfruit jam from Coles! i have to buy this! if i don't buy this now, i may never get the chance to try it!' So then you buy it and take it home and spread it on your toast the next day and think 'wtf is this? why would i want a jam that combines the totally opposing flavours of tomato and passionfruit?' Don't worry if this has happened to you. It's happened to the best of us. Even i was sucked into buying a jam from the jam store on this trip. My flavour? Prickly pear and damask rose jelly. Sounds like something an old lady would spray on her pillow. But there you go, its in my kitchen right now, laughing at me, saying 'i can't believe you fell for that small-town charm and brought me home. you are a pathetic loser. palm me off to your mother as soon as possible.'

Here i am on Berrima's main street, in front of this fancy car that i was bullied into taking a photo with. I dont even know what kind of car this is. Why did i do this? Was i drunk? Can someone explain? Tony?




Spring in the southern highlands means TULIPS. They are everywhere.

I took this photo cause it looked like something straight out of the South of France. In fact, i've never been to the South of France, so i might be way off.

Kama and I, waiting for Con and Mel to be done already in the Christmas store. Yes, there is a Christmas store in Berrima, and those two crazy kids spent like an hour buying stuff from within its dark recesses. You guys. There's a Christmas superstore in Alexandria, 5 MINUTES DOWN THE ROAD FROM WHERE YOU LIVE!

Good wine and food and friends and a lovely way to spend the public holiday.

On de-filing the Queen

There's a statue outside the Queen Victoria Building in Sydney of it's namesake. She towers over her minions as they scurry past on their way to work or the stores or wherever else it is they go (because lets face it. she's the queen. she doesn't really give a rats.)




But for the next couple of weeks, the stoic (read: grumpy) Queen is dressed like this:








*sniggers* I mean. How embarrassing. She must be turning in her grave. It's all part of Art and About, which basically celebrates Sydney's creativity and the arts. It runs for a month and there are a bunch of exhibitions (mostly free) as well as other little surprises like the one above right through the city. There are a few statues like this one around town of other notable figures like Captain Cook and Prince Albert, and they're all dressed just as flamboyantly. Check them out if you're around!




In other news, I've been reading quite a few good books lately. Here's some mini-reviews on my favourites:




Await Your Reply, by Dan Chaon, is an great example of contemporary fiction. By that, i mean its set in current times, and deals with current issues in a really current way. That's a trifecta. And I was hooked from the first sentence. It's not often that happens - sometimes you really have to wait to get into a book, but not this one. It revolves around three characters, who's lives interconnect in ways they themselves don't know or understand. But what is real and what is fake? Trust me, give this one a go if you want an easy but gripping read. I finished it in 3 days.





In The Sweetness at the Bottom of the Pie, by Alan Bradley, the star of the show is Flavia, our 11 year old heroine. There are characters you come across on the rare occasion with whom you totally fall in love, and she was one of them. Precocious, unflappable and funny without knowing it, Flavia becomes embroiled in a mystery which she's determined to solve. Set in the summer of 1950, the sleepy English village of Bishop's Lacey and it's host of colourful characters provides the backdrop to this murder-mystery. It's another quick read, and you'll be rooting for Flavia by the end of this one, unless you're a cold-hearted snake. And hey, you might be. In which case this book's not for you. Sorry.





Lastly, I've just finished the wildly popular young-adult series, The Hunger Games. Now, YA novels always carry a certain stigma, but i don't mind them as long as they're well-written, and have likable characters. In fact there are a lot of YA novels that are more commonly read across the ages these days. Harry Potter and Twilight are fine examples of this very craze. So. (I'm really just justifying my reading choices.) Onto the review.





The Hunger Games is a trilogy which has gotten a lot of attention because its content is considered pretty violent and graphic for YA novels. Set in the future, the USA has collapsed because of war, famine and a host of other problems. Taking its place is the state of Panem, which is divided up into 12 poor districts and the rich Capital. Panem is essentially a dictatorship - the Capital Government makes sure its subjects are kept under wraps by terrorising them. As a reminder to the people that rebellion will not be tolerated, 2 children from each district, a boy and a girl between the ages of 12 and 18, are chosen each year through a lottery to participate in The Hunger Games. Lemme tell y'all, this takes reality TV to another level.





Televised for all to see, the 24 participants are dumped into an arena and forced to eliminate each other through whatever means necessary. And by eliminate, i mean kill, usually brutally. Last one standing is the winner. Our heroine, 16 year old Katniss, must compete in the games after volunteering to take her little sister's place. The boy chosen from her district is Peeta, who is at first a friend and then...more? Well you'll have to read it to find out. Then there's the boy she leaves behind, her best friend Gale. And he's hot. I mean, totally hot. All moody and strong and ready to rebel. But that's another story. There's nothing between them, or so she says, and this sets up a pretty little love triangle that sees you through the whole series. I won't tell you who she ends up with cause that's half the fun.




More than anything, these books were engaging - I raced through all three. The violence was pretty PG in my opinion, especially considering the video games out there. There were some very poignant moments that got me pretty teary, for reals. Even though the scenario was totally unrealistic, the characters were real. It's cheesy, but i really came to care about them. When you read a series, you have to invest in the characters for it to work, otherwise you won't bother reading on. If you can see past the YA thing, I'm sure you'll want to know what happens as much as i did.





I'll leave you with this picture of me and my friend Erin - we went to see Wicked in it's last week in Sydney. I know i know, I've already seen it twice, but what he hell. We're dorks like that. If you missed it - SHAME ON YOU!

To see the summer sky is poetry...

So wrote Emily Dickinson, and so say I! (I know. I may as well be shouting Hark! to the heavens while I'm at it. Whatevs.)

Anyway, my point is - Summer is soooo totally on its way peeps. We've had like 4 hot, steamy days in a row, and yeah OK, today it all took a turn for the worse, but this has surely got to be the last winter chill right? RIGHT?

PLUS, its true - there's nothing like a summer sky (hey, cheese ain't a crime.) This is how i know it's coming...

*giddy* Even when the clouds roll in before a storm, its way better. Y'all know I'm right. In other news, Jo and I went to see that Joaquin Phoenix movie 'I'm Still Here' last night. It was hella weird. And we were in a cinema full of those arty types who clap in the particularly 'inspired' moments, or make comments like "He's a genius" after the credits roll.




Pfft, i wasn't impressed. I mean i get that it was meant to be performance art and all, but still. The premise is this - remember like a year or two ago when he went totally whacky and grew a beard to rival that homeless dude on George St, and did that Letterman interview where he came across as a total douche bag, and said he was retiring from acting to become a hip hop artist? Turns out it was all a hoax (as was rumoured at the time), and his brother-in-law Casey Affleck was filming it all to make a mockumentary as a commentary on celebrities and their interaction with the media. Which is fine, but WTF is with all the penises in this movie, seriously? And what does that have to do with celebrities and the media? Also, do we have to see him ordering hookers and then doing the dirty with them? Or sniffing coke like a giddy teenager? Or see his friend crap on his face? Yeah. I just said that. I mean I'm no prude, but what were they trying to achieve by doing this? Cause hoax or no hoax, the dude comes across as a class A idiot. I'm all for art and challenging social norms and pushing the boundaries of film and performance, but honestly, i didn't get what the message was. The media didn't even feature that heavily, and when it did, it was mainly about all the rumours that were around at the time, about his behaviour and his look and his supposed new career. Which is to be expected. I mean you can't be a movie star without the celebrity. It might not be fair, but its true. And a lot of the time, that celebrity is what keeps them interesting to the public, and therefore employed. I reiterate - its not fair, but its true. Anyway, there were interesting moments in this film, but on the whole, i walked away wondering if it was worth it for him. Cause he hasn't done a movie since.





Jo and I have a new thing, which is, we walk everywhere. My friend Faatasi got us into this, since he's dropped a ton of weight via this method, and since the weather's been warming up and the days are getting longer, we thought - sure. It beats dieting. On Saturday we walked from our place to Surry Hills, which took an hour. You see a hell of a lot more on foot. We combed the cute side streets and had ourselves a delicious lunch in a sidewalk cafe - pulled pork and chutney sandwich anyone? Oh Lord, thank you for pork, the most delicious of all meats. Amen.

Please note the sleeveless dress.

Loves me some tree-lined streets...


...and urban art...

...and flower stalls all in the same square block.

Apart from walking all over, our weekend was spent catching up with old friends, and of course the pest, who never fails to get a laugh. Maria and I cracked open some limoncello, the authentic stuff actually FROM Italy, that's like, 80% alcohol, 20% other stuff, and understandably Jack wanted in. I didn't see the problem, (what? it's not like he's a baby. he's two. and a half.) but Maria yelled the house down so i had to wait until she had her back turned. He stuck his tongue in the glass, pulled back in alarm, eyes popping, and exclaimed "Whoa!" in sort of a stoned teenager voice, then laughed. Totally worth getting in trouble for. He didn't want anymore by the way. Thanks to me, he probably won't touch the stuff for the rest of his life. Now that's parenting.

They've definitely made sure he knows his good words from his bad words though. Peter accidentally dropped the F-bomb in front of him, and he wasted no time whipping around, pointing his little finger in his face and saying, quite crossly, "You can't say that bad word Daddy! Or you have to go in the dungeon!" The dungeon is an excellent form of punishment, by the way. It's actually the laundry, but its prime position under the house makes it perfect for threatening naughty two year olds. Gives the poor kid the shakes just thinking about it. *sniggers*

Pest-mania

Incidentally, i just watched the Britney episode of Glee, and Brittney, Glee's Brittney, is totally awesome. I have a new respect. Long weekend coming up, and daylight savings starts on Sunday. So. Pretty much all manner of awesomeness reigns. I have some book reviews to do too, but i can't bothered tonight. Next post though!

The kids are alright

I'm gonna come right out and say that kids love me. They do, and i can't help it. In fact there are times i wish they DIDN'T love me so much, so i could go hang with the adults. There's only so much Wiggle-time one can handle, after all. Or so many times that i can read The Very Hungry Caterpillar before i want to rip the pages out and burn them. And honestly, i can't remember all the names of the engines in Thomas the Tank. It feels like they've multiplied since i was 5. Here's another little insight - running around screaming like a crazy person? It's not as fun as it looks when they do it. Neither is pretending to kill monsters. Or pretending to be asleep. Or pretending the couch is a boat. Or pretending to eat pretend food on pretend plates with pretend cutlery. On this front, i have a deep and profound respect for parents, who, unlike me, cannot escape this madness for the pub. Ever.




Of course, being that i can indeed wave bye byes at the end of the day, for the most part i don't mind at all - actually I'm pretty damn lucky to have so many crazy-hilarious kids in my life. There's really nothing like a cuddle from a little person. And some of them, i literally couldn't imagine living without. Now that's love y'all.




One of the newest additions to our family, Luca, has until now mainly puked, cried or slept whenever I'm around. (The puking he particularly excelled in.) Anyway I'm pleased to announce we've now moved into the next stage of development - i call it the 'i want everything around me in my mouth' stage. Fingers. Toys. Rubbery chewy things. Whatever you have handy. Actually the rubbery chewy things remind me a lot of what I'd give the dogs to play with. No comparison of course. I'm just saying. Here's the little man at brunch last week:

Bib at the ready. Child is trained to understand bib means food, and generally accepts wearing one for this reason.



Getting into one of those rubbery chewy things. The dogs look just as satisfied when they have one.

Jo and Luca and their chew-toys

Awww happy baby. It'll take him approximately 2.5 seconds to realise he has nothing in his mouth, at which point screams or tears will be produced, and 4 otherwise normal adults will scramble around like idiots to find chew-toy again. FYI the dogs are not indulged in this manner. It doesn't matter how hard they cry, they can go find their own damn toy.

Jo and Luca again. He is looking directly at me because i have his chew-toy. His expression says "I know you have it, and I'm gonna do this photo thing for now cause i like you on the whole, but if you don't give it back soon i WILL screech at high pitch for several consecutive minutes and you know how that embarrasses you when we're around strangers. So watch it, bitch."

Seriously. That's what it says.

Me and the puker. Notice he is trying to launch himself out of my arms and onto the table, where chewable stuff lies in abundance.

Look at the love in his eyes! He adores me! (Joking, it's another ploy. See how he has my hair in his grip? That's sign-language for "I'm all smiles now, but if you don't produce the chew-toy real soon I'll rip this shiz out so fast you won't have time to scream. And you've got some greys coming through lady.")

Meanwhile, I'm convinced the pest is accident-prone. For reals. There's not wall in the house he hasn't run into. So. I mean he could be blind. That's the only other explanation. But he sees OK when you've got chocolate in your hand, so that's probably not it. The other day they came over, and this is what i see when he walks in the door:

Seriously. It looks like a cranium deformity. I was actually worried it would never go away, and he'd be ugly like that forever. (Just kidding. Not even a lump the size of a golf ball could take away the cuteness.) Apparently he fell of a chair again. Hell i didn't care what happened, as long i got a picture of it. That sort of hideousness doesn't come around very often. I had to capture it for the sake of his future girlfriends. They shouldn't have to miss out on any opportunity to laugh their pants off at his expense.

In case you aren't getting the full effect front on, here it is again from the side:

That's all for today. No wait, one more thing - GLEE IS BACK SUCKERS! Enjoy season 2.

A dogs life

In the grand scheme of the universe, humans get a raw deal. All work and no play? Hell's no. On the other hand, a typical day in the life of my parent's dogs goes something like this:

1. Ignore attempts to be disciplined

2. Express disgust at that other, smaller dogs rank breath.





3. Maul owner

4. Scratch. Scratch aaaaaaall day long.

5. Run down any and all unknown visitors to the yard

6. Hump fellow canines. Ignore disciplinary action (refer point 1.)

7. Sniff that other, smaller dogs butt when he's not looking

8. Sit when treat is presented. Human will like this. Repeat mantra 'I am a good dog. I am a good dog.' to help refrain from launching attack on said treat.

9. Drool at thought of food. Drool especially cannot be contained when treat is waved in your face. Repeat mantra 'I am a good dog. I am a good dog.' to help refrain from launching attack on said treat.

10. Human may control food output, but behaving like angel will guarantee biscuit. Ergo, behave like angel when human enters yard and biscuit is sure bet.