The kids are alright

I'm gonna come right out and say that kids love me. They do, and i can't help it. In fact there are times i wish they DIDN'T love me so much, so i could go hang with the adults. There's only so much Wiggle-time one can handle, after all. Or so many times that i can read The Very Hungry Caterpillar before i want to rip the pages out and burn them. And honestly, i can't remember all the names of the engines in Thomas the Tank. It feels like they've multiplied since i was 5. Here's another little insight - running around screaming like a crazy person? It's not as fun as it looks when they do it. Neither is pretending to kill monsters. Or pretending to be asleep. Or pretending the couch is a boat. Or pretending to eat pretend food on pretend plates with pretend cutlery. On this front, i have a deep and profound respect for parents, who, unlike me, cannot escape this madness for the pub. Ever.




Of course, being that i can indeed wave bye byes at the end of the day, for the most part i don't mind at all - actually I'm pretty damn lucky to have so many crazy-hilarious kids in my life. There's really nothing like a cuddle from a little person. And some of them, i literally couldn't imagine living without. Now that's love y'all.




One of the newest additions to our family, Luca, has until now mainly puked, cried or slept whenever I'm around. (The puking he particularly excelled in.) Anyway I'm pleased to announce we've now moved into the next stage of development - i call it the 'i want everything around me in my mouth' stage. Fingers. Toys. Rubbery chewy things. Whatever you have handy. Actually the rubbery chewy things remind me a lot of what I'd give the dogs to play with. No comparison of course. I'm just saying. Here's the little man at brunch last week:

Bib at the ready. Child is trained to understand bib means food, and generally accepts wearing one for this reason.



Getting into one of those rubbery chewy things. The dogs look just as satisfied when they have one.

Jo and Luca and their chew-toys

Awww happy baby. It'll take him approximately 2.5 seconds to realise he has nothing in his mouth, at which point screams or tears will be produced, and 4 otherwise normal adults will scramble around like idiots to find chew-toy again. FYI the dogs are not indulged in this manner. It doesn't matter how hard they cry, they can go find their own damn toy.

Jo and Luca again. He is looking directly at me because i have his chew-toy. His expression says "I know you have it, and I'm gonna do this photo thing for now cause i like you on the whole, but if you don't give it back soon i WILL screech at high pitch for several consecutive minutes and you know how that embarrasses you when we're around strangers. So watch it, bitch."

Seriously. That's what it says.

Me and the puker. Notice he is trying to launch himself out of my arms and onto the table, where chewable stuff lies in abundance.

Look at the love in his eyes! He adores me! (Joking, it's another ploy. See how he has my hair in his grip? That's sign-language for "I'm all smiles now, but if you don't produce the chew-toy real soon I'll rip this shiz out so fast you won't have time to scream. And you've got some greys coming through lady.")

Meanwhile, I'm convinced the pest is accident-prone. For reals. There's not wall in the house he hasn't run into. So. I mean he could be blind. That's the only other explanation. But he sees OK when you've got chocolate in your hand, so that's probably not it. The other day they came over, and this is what i see when he walks in the door:

Seriously. It looks like a cranium deformity. I was actually worried it would never go away, and he'd be ugly like that forever. (Just kidding. Not even a lump the size of a golf ball could take away the cuteness.) Apparently he fell of a chair again. Hell i didn't care what happened, as long i got a picture of it. That sort of hideousness doesn't come around very often. I had to capture it for the sake of his future girlfriends. They shouldn't have to miss out on any opportunity to laugh their pants off at his expense.

In case you aren't getting the full effect front on, here it is again from the side:

That's all for today. No wait, one more thing - GLEE IS BACK SUCKERS! Enjoy season 2.